"When I get to my goal weight..." and Other Excuses Not to Live Life

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I will be able to do _____ when I get to my goal weight." Or what about, "After I get this busy part of my life over with, I will be able to treat myself." These are excuses to wait to really live and enjoy your life. I'm guilty of them as much as anyone else... probably more.

One of those situations happened today. My friend asked me if I wanted to go kayaking on Saturday. Now I love kayaking. I think that it is so fun, and the prospect of it excited me. But then there's this voice in my head that comes up. I start to get petrified thinking about everything. "What if the kayak can't hold me? What if I hold everyone back? What if they leave me?" I start to think that maybe I should wait to go kayaking until I am at a lower weight or more physically strong. But then I wonder to myself why I let me hold myself back. I am making excuses not to do the things I want because I'm scared.

I've always wanted to be the strong one, but I've gone about it the wrong way. Instead of trying new things, I just don't want to try something until I know I won't fail. I don't want to mess up, so I won't admit I want anything. It sounds ludicrous when I write it, but in my head, it makes sense. I keep waiting until I feel good enough. Then when I'm good enough, I can look strong. But really I'm just weak for waiting. For being scared and letting that fear rule me.

So here's to kayaking on Saturday at my current weight with the strength of overcoming my fear.