Have you ever thought to yourself, "I will be able to do _____ when I get to my goal weight." Or what about, "After I get this busy part of my life over with, I will be able to treat myself." These are excuses to wait to really live and enjoy your life. I'm guilty of them as much as anyone else... probably more.
One of those situations happened today. My friend asked me if I wanted to go kayaking on Saturday. Now I love kayaking. I think that it is so fun, and the prospect of it excited me. But then there's this voice in my head that comes up. I start to get petrified thinking about everything. "What if the kayak can't hold me? What if I hold everyone back? What if they leave me?" I start to think that maybe I should wait to go kayaking until I am at a lower weight or more physically strong. But then I wonder to myself why I let me hold myself back. I am making excuses not to do the things I want because I'm scared.
I've always wanted to be the strong one, but I've gone about it the wrong way. Instead of trying new things, I just don't want to try something until I know I won't fail. I don't want to mess up, so I won't admit I want anything. It sounds ludicrous when I write it, but in my head, it makes sense. I keep waiting until I feel good enough. Then when I'm good enough, I can look strong. But really I'm just weak for waiting. For being scared and letting that fear rule me.
So here's to kayaking on Saturday at my current weight with the strength of overcoming my fear.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
VA Beach
I told myself that I would post about going on my yoga retreat to Virginia Beach, but when it came time, I couldn't find words for it. I love to write, but sometimes deciding to get on and blog is something that I don't feel like I have "time" to do. It's not even that it takes a long time. I'm not sure what it is. It's kind of like when someone writes you a long email and you check it and think to yourself, "Oh, I'll write them back later." But then later when you remember the email, you feel like it's too late and that there's nothing to respond to anymore. Anyway, I finally decided that it wasn't too late.
First of all, I feel like I have to take a moment to consider how lucky I am. How many people can say that their whole family could go to a yoga retreat together? I mean maybe a person could get their spouse to go, but parents and their two daughters? I just think that's awesome. I am so incredibly blessed to have a family who can not only decide to go but appreciate and relish it. It's fantastic.
We arrived at Virginia Beach on Friday night. The hotel/conference center where we were staying looked, as my sister said, "like a cruise ship" complete with the spiral staircase and silver accent decor. The whole town of VA Beach looks like it is stuck in the 90s.... or maybe even earlier. But that was a cool part of it. I felt like I got transferred to some other time period where I could relax and forget the outside world for awhile. It was the perfect place to vacation. Friday night, the whole group of people (maybe 75?) got an introduction and did a three hour practice. The energy of so many people together doing this thing they love is amazing. You could feel the organic energy coming from people's fingertips in Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II). We did an exercise where we got in a huge circle and did Vrksasana (Tree Pose). We had to hold one another's shoulder blades up and stay for a bit. Then we had to lean back into the support of the circle. It was interesting to focus on your practice but also aiding in something bigger (the circle).
We had a early morning meditation on the beach with the whole group, and even my sister got into it. Rolf Gates talks about letting thoughts come into your mind, but then assigning them to a "boat" (he demonstrated this using the huge boats out on the water). So basically, if you think to yourself, "I wonder what I'll be doing a year from now," you assign it to the future boat and let it back out of your consciousness. He said not to dwell on things, but start to learn where your mind automatically goes. There is a love boat, regret boat, anger boat, gratitude boat, etc. It's important to learn more about ourselves.
We had another workshop for yoga teachers only that involved hands on assisting in yoga. It was a great workshop, and we learned a lot. It's normally not very comfortable for me to touch people or be touched, but when you let someone help you, your body learns a whole new dimension to the pose that you didn't know before (or didn't know you could do!) I normally can't do Wheel Pose ever because of my carpal tunnel, but by holding on to someone's ankles, I could do it. I feel like that class helped improve my teaching, but also my practice in general.
We also had a dharma talk and Kirtan concert with Girish. His voice is beautiful. The call and response thing was a little bit strange at first, but once you let yourself do it, it's a great experience. I even saw my 19-year-old sister singing some of the time, but don't tell her I told you! ;)
When the retreat part of the weekend was over, my family went to another yoga class at a local studio. The class was amazing, and it ended up being the "spiritual class" that the teacher had to lead for part of her 500hr training. She was so nervous, but we all were rooting for her. It was neat to be a part of someone's journey in that way. Plus, no wonder she was nervous; 4 new people showed up at her class and almost doubled the total amount of people!
The rest of the weekend was filled with the most amazing experiences. My family went out to eat at some great restaurants and went grocery shopping at the organic grocery store and ate in my parents' room (grocery shopping on vacation is one of our favorite things to do... we probably looked like we were moving in!). We laid by the pool and read books. We talked and walked on the boardwalk, got coffee, stopped and petted random dogs, just enjoyed one another's company. It was a great escape from normal life, and made me take a step back and remember what's really important.
First of all, I feel like I have to take a moment to consider how lucky I am. How many people can say that their whole family could go to a yoga retreat together? I mean maybe a person could get their spouse to go, but parents and their two daughters? I just think that's awesome. I am so incredibly blessed to have a family who can not only decide to go but appreciate and relish it. It's fantastic.
We arrived at Virginia Beach on Friday night. The hotel/conference center where we were staying looked, as my sister said, "like a cruise ship" complete with the spiral staircase and silver accent decor. The whole town of VA Beach looks like it is stuck in the 90s.... or maybe even earlier. But that was a cool part of it. I felt like I got transferred to some other time period where I could relax and forget the outside world for awhile. It was the perfect place to vacation. Friday night, the whole group of people (maybe 75?) got an introduction and did a three hour practice. The energy of so many people together doing this thing they love is amazing. You could feel the organic energy coming from people's fingertips in Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II). We did an exercise where we got in a huge circle and did Vrksasana (Tree Pose). We had to hold one another's shoulder blades up and stay for a bit. Then we had to lean back into the support of the circle. It was interesting to focus on your practice but also aiding in something bigger (the circle).
We had a early morning meditation on the beach with the whole group, and even my sister got into it. Rolf Gates talks about letting thoughts come into your mind, but then assigning them to a "boat" (he demonstrated this using the huge boats out on the water). So basically, if you think to yourself, "I wonder what I'll be doing a year from now," you assign it to the future boat and let it back out of your consciousness. He said not to dwell on things, but start to learn where your mind automatically goes. There is a love boat, regret boat, anger boat, gratitude boat, etc. It's important to learn more about ourselves.
We had another workshop for yoga teachers only that involved hands on assisting in yoga. It was a great workshop, and we learned a lot. It's normally not very comfortable for me to touch people or be touched, but when you let someone help you, your body learns a whole new dimension to the pose that you didn't know before (or didn't know you could do!) I normally can't do Wheel Pose ever because of my carpal tunnel, but by holding on to someone's ankles, I could do it. I feel like that class helped improve my teaching, but also my practice in general.
We also had a dharma talk and Kirtan concert with Girish. His voice is beautiful. The call and response thing was a little bit strange at first, but once you let yourself do it, it's a great experience. I even saw my 19-year-old sister singing some of the time, but don't tell her I told you! ;)
When the retreat part of the weekend was over, my family went to another yoga class at a local studio. The class was amazing, and it ended up being the "spiritual class" that the teacher had to lead for part of her 500hr training. She was so nervous, but we all were rooting for her. It was neat to be a part of someone's journey in that way. Plus, no wonder she was nervous; 4 new people showed up at her class and almost doubled the total amount of people!
The rest of the weekend was filled with the most amazing experiences. My family went out to eat at some great restaurants and went grocery shopping at the organic grocery store and ate in my parents' room (grocery shopping on vacation is one of our favorite things to do... we probably looked like we were moving in!). We laid by the pool and read books. We talked and walked on the boardwalk, got coffee, stopped and petted random dogs, just enjoyed one another's company. It was a great escape from normal life, and made me take a step back and remember what's really important.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)