"When I get to my goal weight..." and Other Excuses Not to Live Life

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I will be able to do _____ when I get to my goal weight." Or what about, "After I get this busy part of my life over with, I will be able to treat myself." These are excuses to wait to really live and enjoy your life. I'm guilty of them as much as anyone else... probably more.

One of those situations happened today. My friend asked me if I wanted to go kayaking on Saturday. Now I love kayaking. I think that it is so fun, and the prospect of it excited me. But then there's this voice in my head that comes up. I start to get petrified thinking about everything. "What if the kayak can't hold me? What if I hold everyone back? What if they leave me?" I start to think that maybe I should wait to go kayaking until I am at a lower weight or more physically strong. But then I wonder to myself why I let me hold myself back. I am making excuses not to do the things I want because I'm scared.

I've always wanted to be the strong one, but I've gone about it the wrong way. Instead of trying new things, I just don't want to try something until I know I won't fail. I don't want to mess up, so I won't admit I want anything. It sounds ludicrous when I write it, but in my head, it makes sense. I keep waiting until I feel good enough. Then when I'm good enough, I can look strong. But really I'm just weak for waiting. For being scared and letting that fear rule me.

So here's to kayaking on Saturday at my current weight with the strength of overcoming my fear.

The Struggle

Yoga is a very personal and deep journey. Whether we being alone or with a friend or as part of a group, there is still a oneness to it. It is a voyage no one else can understand because it's different for everyone. It's like a shared experience of being individuals. For me, the concept of yoga runs through my blood. My whole family of psychologists has always focused on mindfulness and inner peace. So unlike the people who arrive at yoga through asana (the actual movements and poses), I came from the other side. The philosophy, the mindset - it all makes sense to me.

The practice of asana does not come so easily. In fact, being overweight can make asana kind of a struggle. But instead of getting frustrated, I find it paramount to my practice to be comfortable with the struggle. Once I can let it fade out of my awareness, I can really live. The struggle is part of what I love now. I connect the struggle with the tendency I have to struggle in my life. Deciding to live a healthy lifestyle or stop complaining is easy at first. The momentum keeps you going for awhile. But then there's the struggle - the frustration - of things not being so easy or going as planned. Then I want to give up. For so long, I've been so scared of that struggle that I haven't really lived life. Instead of trying to fix the struggle, sometimes I have to remind myself that it's a part of life... a part that defines you. I like the idea of using yoga to define who I am on all fronts. Yoga isn't a place you go or a thing you do. It's a congruent and peaceful way to live your life to the highest capacity. A way to connect body, mind, soul, heart, and intentions.

"It means a poise of the soul which enables one to look at life in all aspects evenly."
-Light on Yoga (Iyengar)